i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
