no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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