Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
