I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
