...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
