dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
