I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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