i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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