So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
