I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
