i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
