I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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