never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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