My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
