everyone is single if you try hard enough
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
