Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
