and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
