rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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