the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
