i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
