Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
