he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
