community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
