8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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