3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
