hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
