I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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