a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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