She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
