FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
