you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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