I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
