its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
