Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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