After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
