you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
