I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
