Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
