Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
