i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
