i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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