just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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