Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
