I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
