I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
