Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
