im six kinds of drunk right now
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
