oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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