Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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