This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
