I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He shit in the fireplace
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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