bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
