Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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