I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
